[taking Isaac's other shoulder in his hand now, and-- well. he's definitely not in a position to talk about whether Isaac deserves to be forgiven or not. whether his situation-- whatever it is-- is something that can be fixed]
[but honestly. . . he doesn't think that matters]
. . . you're right. Sometimes you do.
[oh]
Sometimes things are so broken you can't fix them, or make them better, or put them back together again.
But in those situations, making it "fine" isn't about fixing things. It's about learning from your mistakes and being better.
[giving both of those shoulders another squeeze]
It's about doing better. Because as long as you're alive and breathing, as long as you can move and make choices for yourself, you can be better.
It's the first time someone's finally said it. He's wanted to hear it for so long, but now that someone has finally had the mercy to say the words, it feels like a suckerpunch to the chest. Like the end of the world. Like what he deserves.
Sometimes you do.
Thank god.
It hurts.
Akira's got both hands on Isaac's shoulders and it makes him feel like he can't back away. And Akira's taller than he is, a lot taller, feels like an adult but isn't actually, feels so much older and wiser and
more
in control
than isaac
ever could be
And he wants to break into pieces. He's been scared since the moment he got here and all that terror, untreated, roiling beneath his skin, pours out of him now. The tears spill over and he can't really hide. ]
I was supposed to. After-- after Dim. Dimitri.
[ Ah. ]
And then-- and then Mr. Spender, I-- it wasn't supposed to be so much, I try to control it every time and it was only supposed to be a little bit and--
Why can't I ever be better? I try, I really keep trying, I try so hard and all I ever do is-- is hurt them. The, the club, and now Mr. Spender is paying for my mistakes, and I don't--
If I hurt him I don't think I can fix it...! It's like I don't know how to--
I understand! I understand that I can't...! I can't be better! I know it! Or I wouldn't keep doing this!
[. . . Akira doesn't know who Dimitri is, and not having the entire context for Isaac's freak out means that he isn't quite sure what the senseless rambling means. but he isn't going to let confusion stop him from trying to help. he wants to help, because right now all he sees is a panicked kid who's terrified out of his mind, both because he's been kidnapped and because of things that had happened to him before the mansion, and there's absolutely no way he can let this kid go out there and fend for himself in a house full of strangers]
Hey. Hey. . . deep breaths.
[by now, Akira has crouched down onto Isaac's level in an attempt to be less intimidating]
[ What was the last time he even cried like this? He's not even sure. It should be more embarrassing than it actually is, but somehow that isn't part of the maelstrom of emotions going through him. The fear drowns everything else out.
He'll nod at Akira's request, since verbal response is sort of beyond him at the moment, squeezing his eyes shut and nodding furiously. His sobs come out as gasps and quiet sucking breaths, but he tries to control his breathing, to just slow down. It's hard, because he's not any less scared, not any less certain of his own crimes, but--
After a few moments his breathing will even out at least a little, his sobs quieting into just your normal run-of-the-mill tears. ]
I...
[ ... what does he even say? Where does he begin? ]
[once Isaac has calmed down a bit, he speaks again]
There's a lot happening. A lot going on here, okay? So let's focus on one thing at a time.
[whatever happened to Isaac and his friends back home is important, yes, but there isn't anything they can do about them now. so what they should be focusing on is. . .]
Right now, your energy should be put towards getting out of here. I'm not saying you can't worry about the status of the people you care about back home-- you can, and you should.
But try to put that on the backburner. Just. . . for a little bit.
[ .... Isaac will nod slowly. He continues to calm down, his tears slowing. He doesn't really feel better, or, well... things aren't solved. But he's been able to be honest about his emotions, finally, and ... and he's being taken seriously. Not being mocked or told he's sensitive.
Roughly he'll rub his face with the back of one hand. ]
... I know. I know I can't ... do anything about that right now. It's just... it's all I've been able to think about since we got here. Which is pointless because I can't do anything...
[ Isaac is silent for a LONG moment. Looking at Akira, then away. Over and over. Like he doesn't know what to think about this at all, like he doesn't know what to say. ]
I ... I know.
[ ... a breath. ]
That's ... that's why I came to find you. I don't know why, I just had this feeling like... like you'd listen. Besides, we're...
[ His gaze could burn a hole in the floor, but when he raises it to meet Akira's, it's a question instead. ]
no but seriously the effect those words have on Isaac is pretty profound. His reaction is understated, but it's there: a loosening of his expression, a shift in the set of his shoulders. There's this tightly wound coil in his chest, one that's been there for a long, long time, and for the first time in ages, it gives. It doesn't unfurl completely, but--it gives, just a little. Makes it just a little easier to breathe.
Swallowing hard he'll nod a few times. He's not quite smiling, but it's there in his eyes, the unspeakable gratitude. ]
Yeah. We'll get this figured out. ... thanks. For ... [ gestures vaguely in a way probably meant to say "all of this." ]
[pauses for a moment??? because someone doesn't get a lot of hugs?? sure, Ryuji slings an arm around his shoulders now and then, but. . . Sojiro isn't exactly the affectionate type, Futaba is a bit too shy to be physically close, and his parents--]
[. . . but then he lets out a small huff and rests his hand on top of Isaac's head, using his other arm to return the hug quickly albeit loosely. Isaac pulls away soon afterwards, and Akira decides not to comment. for Isaac's pride]
It's true.
[never let what someone else thinks of you hold you back!!]
he didn't mind it. The hand on his head, or the arm around his shoulders.
In the end he'll scratch his cheek, still embarrassed, but...
he'll smile. ]
"As always," huh... yeah. Yeah. [ he'll huff. ] You're way different from my other so-called "friends." ... they're not ... bad people, but I've never fit in, and I never will. Like I care.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
[taking Isaac's other shoulder in his hand now, and-- well. he's definitely not in a position to talk about whether Isaac deserves to be forgiven or not. whether his situation-- whatever it is-- is something that can be fixed]
[but honestly. . . he doesn't think that matters]
. . . you're right. Sometimes you do.
[oh]
Sometimes things are so broken you can't fix them, or make them better, or put them back together again.
But in those situations, making it "fine" isn't about fixing things. It's about learning from your mistakes and being better.
[giving both of those shoulders another squeeze]
It's about doing better. Because as long as you're alive and breathing, as long as you can move and make choices for yourself, you can be better.
Do you understand?
no subject
It's the first time someone's finally said it. He's wanted to hear it for so long, but now that someone has finally had the mercy to say the words, it feels like a suckerpunch to the chest. Like the end of the world. Like what he deserves.
Sometimes you do.
Thank god.
It hurts.
Akira's got both hands on Isaac's shoulders and it makes him feel like he can't back away. And Akira's taller than he is, a lot taller, feels like an adult but isn't actually, feels so much older and wiser and
more
in control
than isaac
ever could be
And he wants to break into pieces. He's been scared since the moment he got here and all that terror, untreated, roiling beneath his skin, pours out of him now. The tears spill over and he can't really hide. ]
I was supposed to. After-- after Dim. Dimitri.
[ Ah. ]
And then-- and then Mr. Spender, I-- it wasn't supposed to be so much, I try to control it every time and it was only supposed to be a little bit and--
Why can't I ever be better? I try, I really keep trying, I try so hard and all I ever do is-- is hurt them. The, the club, and now Mr. Spender is paying for my mistakes, and I don't--
If I hurt him I don't think I can fix it...! It's like I don't know how to--
I understand! I understand that I can't...! I can't be better! I know it! Or I wouldn't keep doing this!
no subject
Hey. Hey. . . deep breaths.
[by now, Akira has crouched down onto Isaac's level in an attempt to be less intimidating]
Deep breaths. Try to calm down.
no subject
He'll nod at Akira's request, since verbal response is sort of beyond him at the moment, squeezing his eyes shut and nodding furiously. His sobs come out as gasps and quiet sucking breaths, but he tries to control his breathing, to just slow down. It's hard, because he's not any less scared, not any less certain of his own crimes, but--
After a few moments his breathing will even out at least a little, his sobs quieting into just your normal run-of-the-mill tears. ]
I...
[ ... what does he even say? Where does he begin? ]
no subject
There.
[once Isaac has calmed down a bit, he speaks again]
There's a lot happening. A lot going on here, okay? So let's focus on one thing at a time.
[whatever happened to Isaac and his friends back home is important, yes, but there isn't anything they can do about them now. so what they should be focusing on is. . .]
Right now, your energy should be put towards getting out of here. I'm not saying you can't worry about the status of the people you care about back home-- you can, and you should.
But try to put that on the backburner. Just. . . for a little bit.
no subject
Roughly he'll rub his face with the back of one hand. ]
... I know. I know I can't ... do anything about that right now. It's just... it's all I've been able to think about since we got here. Which is pointless because I can't do anything...
[ he heaves a sigh. ]
What I'm saying is I get it. I ... I know.
no subject
[as much as Akira is advocating for Isaac to focus, he refuses to call any of the things he's feeling pointless]
. . . I understand. And it's okay to feel the way that you do. To worry, even when you can't do anything.
[and he finally draws back, even though he doesn't stand up straight yet, arms draped loosely across his knees]
But if you need help getting through this, I'm here. I know we've only just met, but I'll do my very best.
Okay?
no subject
I ... I know.
[ ... a breath. ]
That's ... that's why I came to find you. I don't know why, I just had this feeling like... like you'd listen. Besides, we're...
[ His gaze could burn a hole in the floor, but when he raises it to meet Akira's, it's a question instead. ]
... friends. S-So.
no subject
We're friends.
[they're friends!! the word has been spoken NOBODY CAN TAKE IT BACK NOW]
We're definitely friends.
no subject
no but seriously the effect those words have on Isaac is pretty profound. His reaction is understated, but it's there: a loosening of his expression, a shift in the set of his shoulders. There's this tightly wound coil in his chest, one that's been there for a long, long time, and for the first time in ages, it gives. It doesn't unfurl completely, but--it gives, just a little. Makes it just a little easier to breathe.
Swallowing hard he'll nod a few times. He's not quite smiling, but it's there in his eyes, the unspeakable gratitude. ]
Yeah. We'll get this figured out. ... thanks. For ... [ gestures vaguely in a way probably meant to say "all of this." ]
no subject
[seriously]
[Isaac gets another shoulder pat]
Feeling a little better now?
no subject
... something like that. Heh. Normally, I'd ... probably get made fun of, for acting like this.
no subject
[HE SAYS THAT SO SIMPLY]
[LIKE]
[IT'S JUST A TRUTH TO THE UNIVERSE]
1/UHHHHH
no subject
like... it was so obvious.
self-obvious. ]
no subject
how could he possibly...
even though he knows that— that people have gotten hurt, that—
that he probably deserves— ]
no subject
done...
only for a moment. he quickly lets go, hugely embarrassed, and takes a step away, rubbing his nose. ]
... you’re like the only person who thinks that, but. Thanks.
1/2
[kind of]
[pauses for a moment??? because someone doesn't get a lot of hugs?? sure, Ryuji slings an arm around his shoulders now and then, but. . . Sojiro isn't exactly the affectionate type, Futaba is a bit too shy to be physically close, and his parents--]
[lets not talk about his parents]
no subject
It's true.
[never let what someone else thinks of you hold you back!!]
And anytime. As always.
no subject
he didn't mind it. The hand on his head, or the arm around his shoulders.
In the end he'll scratch his cheek, still embarrassed, but...
he'll smile. ]
"As always," huh... yeah. Yeah. [ he'll huff. ] You're way different from my other so-called "friends." ... they're not ... bad people, but I've never fit in, and I never will. Like I care.
[ he cares so much. ]
no subject
I never fit in with the friends I made at home, either.
[and by "home" he means. . . the ones from his hometown]
It wasn't until I moved away that I finally found people who gave me a sense of belonging, you know? So. . . keep looking.
You'll find people like that one day, too.
no subject
Yeah. I think you might be right.